Brent Lane, my best friend, ever, in the whole world, forever and ever and ever, above anyone else, because you always thought I could do it. You were there for me when I needed someone. You made me look up when things were bad. You were an awesome inspiration; Abby Camper for letting me use The Acting in chapter eleven; Andrew Smith, for inspiring me with your sense of humor; Mrs. Teresa Sopko, for encouraging my writing; and Josh Joplin, because you wanted me to hurry up and get published because I promised you some money... You kept me going. And thanks for helping me with the song in chapter 10.
The people in the country that this story is about had a very odd language, and so the name of their country is not easily translated into English. You will find me referring to it as either Ellieville or Granty Mountains throughout this book, but when I say Ellieville please note that I am not referring to one town.
1162 A.D. Pitchtussan history
I. Pitchtussas founding and civilization
A. Founded in 987 AD by Dandeliop Longhorn, Pertebiad Crockett, Mertyle Codswollop, and Herneyai Vantruse
B. First city was Longhorn City, which later became the capital, as Dandeliop became the first king.
C. Immigrants came from Candrebriad and Darshetien, the surrounding countries.
II. Law and government development
A. With the arrival of a new king in 1022, Pitchtussas government became totalitarian.
B. The new king, Harold Van Vetrue, wrote and twisted around many new laws so that he, basically, could do anything he liked while his people suffered, starved, and lived in terrible quarters.
C. So, yeah, it was development of the country-- in a sick and twisted way.
A. Around 1045, the people started to rebel.
B. They used boycotts, marches, mass killings-- everything, anything, whatever.
C. So Van Vetrue just killed them all.
IV. A different kind of rebellion
A. So, in 1162-- nah, Ill stop the outline stuff and you can just read it. I find outlines to be very bothersome and irritating once they go over two pages, so I wont even try your patience or attention span.
IN 1162, TELLAW DWALLIT LIVED in Pitchtussa. Pitchtussa was a crowded, overpopulated place. Nobody really liked living there.
Tellaw had heard of a place o the east that was wild and uninhabited. So he gathered his friends and followers, some horses and provisions too, and set off.
The road was rocky and wild. They didnt have much food, but Tellaw knew that when they got there, food of all kinds would be plentiful. There would be animals to hunt, berries to pick, green grass to see, and water, sweet water, to drink on sunny afternoons. There would be no one there but themselves, and it would be spacious and clean.
As they traveled, they hardly seemed to get anywhere at all. They traveled about 60 miles every 2 days, but still hardly seemed to move. Maybe it was because of the amazingly flat ground that they were traveling. You could see the next and last days journey spread out before you at any point.
Finally, on June 3rd, 1162, they arrived. It took the small troop 22 days.
The new country was truly wild. The weeds were over Tellaws head. The trees were old and crooked with new ones sprouting about them. It was indeed a wild land, but it was a gorgeously wild land.
Well, Tellaw told his troop, The first thing to do is to pull up grass in a small area so we can camp tonight. So they pulled up grass in a circular patch and laid out their coats as beds.
This will be good, said Partoddles Toddyl, lighting a cigar (he wasnt anything without his cigars). That is, itll be good as soon as Tyonik Perfitle here hunts up some meat.
OK, Ill go, says Perfitle meekly. Ill find us a few rabbits. Theyll last us quite a bit, youll see. Perfitle was an experienced, excellent hunter. He was famous in Pitchtussa, and obviously would be here too. He could shoot mice from a mile and get an arrow through a camels hump from Mt. Everest.
Well, hurry up, Im starving, says Ickinoble Kinoyt.
Aye, says everyone present. Aye, aye!
AND THAT WAS THE FIRST SETTLEMENT.
Later, Toddyl drowned in the Sherenflidity Ocean. He dived into an unknown deep spot- and never came back up. Kinoyt married an Indian girl of 13 and moved back to Pitchtussa. Perfitle died while trying to shoot a bear-and found that hed left all of his bullets at home. Tellaw, however, lived. He became Granty Mountains first king in 1173.
WE DISCOVERED a lot of short-- and to the present-day person, probably silly-- documents.
From I Hath by Jessie Hancock, circa 1167
I hath invented a new language. Here it is, followed by the direct translation:
Iwuwuwuiwiuiuwoiuouwuiiwoeupweuweuweuwuejwwwwwisja; dafldh jhl and then she went to a party. Kfskdlkskzsdksl sdkdskdak dskzdlksdlkslfkdks dk sl sfm s kdlsfsakflsfkslfklfksfkskfl dfk dfldkfdkfldkfdkfdkfdkfdffkdf lk kk lk lk lk l lfk f lfkl dkf ldkf ldkf dfkfkd afdk sksldks ldkdl skd lskdl sk ls lfs fkas goaoskeleklsaedowkwewlorewaeswlkwlwklewklsld jsaldjsld asdk sldk o d ddxzoejdodjdjskjdekwiewojroweahffekfnfojkje f io fned fkjdnveawfvedhvujdnviosdjknvnvivnvvijd as xediodjskdsdsh o gfh gifae io afiiwd.
She went swimming and then to a party. Her friends were there also, and they had all kinds of fun. They ate and drank and ate and drank and then they sunbathed a little because we all know that tans are very attractive.
From Bullseye! by Alisse N. Wumberlaand
...and thou shalt be cursed forevermore by the wrath of mine ancestors, for their anger brews with the intensity of a thousand storms....
Here is an excerpt from the diary of Tellaw Dwallit's son, Everett Dwallit.
I am Everett Dwallit, son of Tellaw Dwallit, the king of Granty Mountains. I am eight years old. I just started the first grade. A young man of my age came up to me today during break and inquired,
"Aren't you Prince Everett?"
"My father thinks your father is an ass."
"Well, it is true, he will probably pull me o9ut of school at once because of you attending here also."
"How perfectly ridiculous."
"Oh yes, I'd think you'd now ridiculous when you see it, taking a look at what you're living with."
I turned on my heel and went away.
I found out what they boy's name is. It is Johnny Rockford. I talked to him again today. It turns out he is very mischievous and big on rule-breaking. I discussed it with him today.
"Johnny, why do you do so many bad things?"
"Because I don't want to do good things."
"Because I just don't."
"I don't want to."
And that was that.
A bystander, whose name is Ujishman (which coincidentally means 'bystander') told me he was impressed with the way I stood up to Johnny. We are now the best of friends, Ujishman and I.
I called him tonight.
"Depteh? Are you there?"
"PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE AT THE SOUND OF THE BEEP."
"Hi Depteh. I thought that you were home. I'll try calling back later. See you tomorrow."
I was disappointed.
So I called Depteh's and my other friend, Cory.
"I can't come over. I have to change into my fighting clothes and fight the bad guys."
I was sarcastic of this, of course.
"So, um, Cory, you want me to leave you alone?"
"Yeah," said Cory.
"Beep," said the phone.
"Sigh," said I.
I am depressed.
After arguing a fair lot, somewhat, today, I have to admit that we may have gotten kind of ugly and out of hand.
"I'm going to threaten you!!" threatened Johnny.
"Are you now?" I asked testily.
"Oh yes," said Johnny shortly.
"Well, I can accomplish better things than you ever could, or would for that matter. For example, last weekend alone, I helped my father sign four new laws, crown two dukes and three duchesses, find my big sister an appropriate husband, authorize a new school, sign a contract with Yl'gofobgien, send a wedding package to Queen Cadabra's daughter in Candrebriad, fire a few servants, and hire a new tailor. And you did what?"
Johnny hesitated. "Well, I do know that that school you authorized? That's where I'll be transferring." And he walked away.
"It's a school for underage delinquents," I said quietly.
Life is sad.