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Chapter Six
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Chapter Six

What We Can Begin to call Civilization

1538 A.D.

With all of this electricity, big cities, cars, etc., Ellieville was almost as it is today. But it lacked one thing, and it was not little as we shall see.

They still had outhouses during that time.

But one cloudy, muggy, sticky day, when all of his 13 kids had ruined their underwear with diarrhea lining up for the one family outhouse, Michael Mullokiam knew that there just had to be a better way.

We could, he thought to himself, Get 15 outhouses, or somehow get quicker, more efficient indoor toilets that work better than outhouses- and preferably dont smell nearly as bad.

He worked on his project for nearly 30 years (his youngest child had just moved out). But it was more than toilets; it was sinks, tubs, washers, outdoor water pumps, and other than that, virtually all plumbing appliances. After all, it doesnt take 30 years to invent a toilet. That is interesting. It makes me wonder---if he had a diary, what would it be like? The complex tubing of the Toilet is as follows Oh, his blueprints would be even more hilarious cant you just picture them?

Ellieville is well known for its huge desert void to the west. Only one explorer ever accounted for has dared to venture there. Here is the story of Wesley Allen Bonne.

Wesley The Great Explorer

By Fred Clement

Originally a picture book; only words were reprinted here, hence the short length.

Once upon a time there was a man named Wesley. He lived in Ellieville. One day he decided that he would be an explorer, and explore all lands. He would be scared of nothing; a violent lion would be his friend.

Wesley was married to Rebecca and had 2 little boys, Arnold and Wesley Jr. his family would move with him to Stentenfrey, a large void to the west.

After they had settled down in Stentenfrey, Wesley set off to explore it.

He traveled with his pet white wolf, Alice, for 5 straight days, and still all he saw was dry, cracked earth and poisonous lizards. Not even cactuses could grow here.

Finally, on the 6th day, Wesley saw an Indian village ahead. Alice and Wes ran as fast as they could until they reached it, as they were in desperate need of nourishment.

The Indians there were kind. They let Wesley stay the night there and eat with them. After his refreshment, Wesley wrote a memoir or two and then continued on his way.

Inswet alecor, he told the Indians. In their language, inswet alecor means thank you.

After a few more days of traveling, maybe 7 or 8, Alice and Wes came to a huge oasis. There were many trees around it, and Wesley was itching to dive in the cold spring water.

Just as he was about to dive in, a man came out of a small cabin that Wes hadnt seen before. Hidden in the shade of the trees, Wes hadnt seen it before.

Ickinoble! Wes yelled, and hugged him tightly. Ickinoble was Wess old friend from childhood who had run away from home at the age of 13 and everyone presumed to be dead.

Wesley and Ickinoble talked for awhile. They made and good plan. A secret plan.

Wes quickly traveled home to get his wife and children. Then he traveled back to Ickinobles house. Then Wes built himself another house and became Ickinobles neighbor!

Wesley was a good explorer and is widely known in Ellieville as the Man who Dared. No one before him or his pal Ickinoble had even thought of going to Stentenfrey, because of the horrible heat and, so they thought, because of the limited amounts of vegetation and water.

Here is a letter Wesley sent to his family in Christmas of 1551:

 

Merry Christmas To All!

Wow! Another year almost gone...so easy to see when I look at the kids, so many changes! Our lives have changed in many ways, too.

Arnold's sixth grade year has had ups and downs, she is growing up amazingly fast. She will probably be moving to a different dance studio in order to fit dance into our crazy family schedule. Rez tried public school kindergarten and now attends a private school, where he is thriving. Bella and Gustav are enjoying their first year at daycare, they are both pretty easygoing and enjoy playing with friends while dads in class. The daycare is run as part of the community college Im attending.

I returned to school part time in January and was accepted into the RN program, which I started in August. Ive got the first semester under my belt now (4.0!) and am looking forward to clinical rotation in obstetrics and pediatrics coming up. Rebecca went back to work at the bakery to make our schedules possible and help get all the kids where they need to be. Returning to the bakery is quite a sacrifice on her part...only 17 more months until Im out of school though!

We think of you often, we miss you, we apologize for being out of touch...We love you--

Wesley, Rebecca, Arnold, Rez, Bella, and Gustav

When reading this letter, one may wonder: Where's Wesley Jr.? That's been an unanswered question for years. There was no other found correspondence between Wesley and his family or friends, nor Ickinoble and his.

The following is from "Self-Discovery", a short-lived, fairly unpopular magazine, circa 1541.

PITUTUS'S POLITICAL CRISES

Everyone knows about Pitutus's political crisis from a few years ago. It was all because of this religion he'd made up. The Roman Denei Church did not like the religion at all, and they sued Mr. Pitutus. Mr. Pitutus denied the church's comments, which included: "You've invented a so-called 'religion' for Satanists. You will go to hell!" Mr. Pitutus said it was 'a religion that fits all the requirements of the Bible. People have left other churches to worship this way at home, and now they can do it church too.'

"There are over one thousand members in this congress and we are not allowed to emphasize our opinions? Unbelievable," says Mr. John F. Hogan, the pope.

"Mercy! Have mercy!"

"Hi yi yi!" yell supporters.

"Political evidence speaks harshly," agrees Mr. Pitutus. "My belief issued 2 years ago did not help this opposition issue in the least."

I could go on and on about this, but reality is, I do have a limit for article length.

Mr. Pitutus, just recently, decided to become preacher at one of his churches. The Roman Denei Church said that 'when he preaches, he manipulates people into...following his religion of Satan-worshiping'. Mr. Pitutus denies this vigorously, saying: "For one thing, the only reason I am preaching at this time is because the regular preacher is sick. Secondly, I am a regular attendee of this church in particular. Lastly, I thought that my in-person preaching would be of higher-quietly. Also, I am getting paid quite splendidly," With this last statement, he smiled slightly.

Once he was all heated up, Mr. Pitutus just exploded.

"More than 45% of Granty Mountains like the god-loving religion I made and these dorks from Redwood come over and say I'm a Satanist! Why don't they look at my personal history or read my diary or something and try to find proof of that? They won't. Another hint for those stupid Denei freaks- why don't they mind their own business? It's a basic life lesson that most of us learned a long time ago."

When the media got wind of this outburst, they cart wheeled to the moon. They were all over the place with it. It was a headline and cover story in every paper and magazine in the country: "MR. PITUTUS SPEAKS OUT--OR, RATHER, YELLS OUT". Mr. Pitutus could have died, he told us here at the "Self-Discovery". This political crisis looks engrossing, and we'll be covering it monthly with two-page spreads.