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Chapter Four

Bad Guy Land Exploration

1291-1366 A.D.

One discovery group, the Finders Keepers, was so successful while on exploration journeys that every time they brought back an artifact. So, anyhow, this super discovery troop set off to discover the Bad Guy Lands in 1295. The Bad Guy Lands were evilly eviler than evil could possibly ever be.

As soon as they set foot there, they immediately wished that they hadnt sworn to discover something. They journeyed all over. They found a deserted city and picked up a young boy, Simpris journal. As soon as thy found that, they returned home as fast as was possible at the time. They had no bad guy encounters.

The bad guy lands in detail was a huge forest that covered about 65,000 acres. It was dark and, as said, seemed evil because it was always damp and drippy.

Simpris journal was then lost. We suspect that the King, receiving the discovery, thought it dumb and burned it.

A main thing that I left out was the number of kidnappings done by the bad guys, who were really Euronians, the invaded neighboring country. The government tried to hush it all up, but we have discovered the journal of a survivor, Qlenty Jennings. Here is an excerpt from her diary.

Unfortunately, since this is an unabridged reprint, I do not have the rights to this book and therefore cannot correct all of the grammar mistakes.

My Lonesome Childhood

August 8, 1297

One day, I was outside playing. In my woods. It is fun there, all shady. Shady and quiet, that is the way I like all things. Most things are liked that way anyhow. But all of a sudden, some very evil men came there. They snuck up behind me. They were dressed all in black and had red eyes and had no eyelashes and had no eyebrows. They grabbed me from behind, right underneath my Armpits, in that little Groove that makes you go owie.

I was locked away in a Dark Room filled to the brim with rats and rotten food and wheelbarrows and cartfuls that were full of manure. There was mold on the floor, and slime dripping off the ceiling. It was Bad. I was So Sad.

The rats were red. And Bloodthirsty. The 6 or 7 wheelbarrows full of manure were Bloodstained and Slime Coated. There were piles of dead rats Everywhere, and the stink there was nearly Unthinkable. It stank just like I think Hell will. There was a little Window, and by looking out of it, one could see. I could see that it was Raining out there. I tried to drink a bit of Rainwater through the bars. But the mean old rain cloud turned the Heavenly Droplets into mud droplets, mysteriously, by Ways Unknown.

Then they took me to a barn. They threw me into a rabbit cage that was Evil like them.

Im thirsty, I said. So they poured ice cold water on my back.

Im hungry, I said. So they dumped rabbit grain upon my head. It was Stupid & Mean to do Those Things to me! Then the Thugs threw me out into the Rain.

It was Awful.

Thats when it started to Hail, and then Snow.

I was So Sad, even Sadder than I was Before. I was Dirty, Slimy, wet and cold. I hated and hate (still) my Horrible Abduction. I cried. It was very, very, very bad Happenings going on. The thugs were Mean & Bad. Those thugs are Bad Men. The grass turns black wherever they walk, like a Carpet. Trees Burn when they walk past. Houses crumble to Dirt when they come past them. Airplanes crash when they See the Thugs. All of the Ladies faint when they see the Evil Thugs. They are the Baddest Ever.

The next day, the Thugs came to get me out of the cage. On the way out, I Banged my Head on the Evil barn piece. Instead of seeing stars, I saw Hail and Snowflakes. When I awoke, I was in an Evil Forest. The trees all chased me and one ate my hair barrette. I sat down and felt Immensely Sad.

When I fell asleep, I dreamed that They came to get me. It was the Thugs again. They tied me up, toe to chin and hung me upside down over a cauldron of Boiling Green Goo, which was over a Fire. I could do Nothing. But it was only a dream, right?

Not right.

It really happened.

Then they dropped me right into the green goo! It was all bubbly and thick and it mad my blood melt!! I thought that I was done for. But then a big ugly half naked man burst through the door.

Im Roger. Give me my girl!! he Hollered, pulling out a knife. He cut the ropes that the Evil Thugs had roped around my so tightly I felt that I would go in my pants and then put me in the freezer for a moment, to Restore my Blood.

Then he said, Come with me, Qlenty. I went with him. He took me to his car.

But the fun was only beginning!!!

-From My Horrible Abduction, 1297, Mulberry Publishing House.

There are also, of course, several accounts of abductions that were never solved or that more was never discovered of. Of these, one of the stories shines through because of the odd conditions of the kidnapping.

From Help! Kid Gone! By Elena Prig

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Renee. One day, her mother said, It is time for you to go to school.

No, mom!

Yes, dear!

So she went to school the next morning. When the mother came to pick her up, the teacher said, When she went to recess after school she was not there.

We are not all that sure what the teacher means by this, and some theories were that the teacher was responsible, as she quit mysteriously the day later, but what we can gather from this is that Renee was not seen after last recess that day. Renee was never found, and though this occurrence seems like a sad and distraught thing, it was only one in several hundred kidnappings of the same sort.

During this time, there was a famous author named Derra Yelle. Here is one of her more famous pieces.

From "RR" by Derra Yelle:

 

Agent X, Ronnie Lane, reporting for duty

Blowfish, Delilah Bohn, reporting for duty

Sponge Queen, Tenisha Baney, reporting for duty

Donkey, Jacques Johnson, reporting for duty

Sir Cranky Pants, Gregory Smith, reporting for duty

Diaper, Donna Hillman, reporting for duty

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ronnie: Youre a dork

Jacques: Shut up, Ronnie

Ronnie: Bite me

Jacques: I wont bite you, but Felicia will

Ronnie: That reminds me-- I heard that you slept with Felicia

Jacques: I know you did, but we need to stop writing now before we get in trouble.

Delilah: You are funny, Ronnie. I read what you and Jacques put. That was hilarious. J

Ronnie: Right. My email is ronnielane123@hotmail.com . Joshs is joshjosh@hotmail.com .

Delilah: Jacques, you crazy

Jacques: Youre dumber than a house

Delilah: How dumb is a house exactly?

Jacques: A house does not have a brain. And neither do you.

Delilah: Yes I do! Bigger than yours!

Jacques: Really? Let me peel the top of your head off to see.

Delilah: How dare you be so evil? I will tear yours off first.

Jacques: Ill just cut your body in half and feed it to my bloody dogs.

Delilah: Ha ha. Jacques, youre messed up.

__________________________________________________

Jacques: Good morning, Blowfish Delilah

Delilah: Good morning, Donkey

Jacques: Good morning, Ronnie, you crap head

Ronnie: Eat me

Delilah: Ronnie, that's disturbing. Did you know that youre a pink poodle with makeup. Lots of purple lipstick. Anyway, besides you being all this stuff, I emailed you yesterday.

Ronnie: Eat nuts

Delilah: Ew. Sick. Gross.

Jacques: Good morning, Cranky Pants

Gregory: Look whos talking, &%#hole

Jacques: What do you want to do today, Mr. Cranky Pants?

Gregory: I dont know &%#hole

Jacques: Just shut up and kiss yourself.

Gregory: Unbelievable though it sounds, I will so long as you do too

Delilah: Gregory, you are pretty @#%$ed up

Gregory: You are

Delilah: Yeah right. Anyway, my birthday party might get moved to the 30th. Is that still ok?

Gregory: I guess

Jacques: Lets quit writing, before we get in trouble

Gregory: Ok &%#hole

Jacques: Shut up Mr. Cranky Pants

Gregory: Ok &%#hole

Delilah: Ronnie, are you going out with Donna?

Ronnie: Check your email and you will find out

Delilah: Okay. Which one of my emails though? The ellaweed@writing.com or the ellaweed@freeopendairy.com?

Ronnie: The ellaweed@writing.com one.

Delilah: Ronnie, Donna wants to know if you are done with your hunting test for the hunting course, shes done with hers.

Jacques: No Im not

Delilah: Of course youre not, I wasnt talking to you, Jacques. J

Jacques: I havent even started yet.

Delilah: So I realized

Jacques: Goodbye Blowfish

Delilah: You suck

Ronnie: Balls

Jacques: Go %$#@ yourself, Agent X

Ronnie: You

Delilah: Gregory, when I get my book published what do you want me to buy you?

Gregory: What do you mean? Besides, how much $$$ are you going to get?

Delilah: I dont know how much Im going to get but Im making a list of what people want what and Ill see if I can get it or not and if I can Ill give it to them. Did that sentence even make any sense?

Gregory: Who did you ask so far?

Delilah: Only Donna and Ronnie so far.

Gregory: Good.

Delilah: No one else likes me, thats fine, I dont like them either.

Jacques: Hey, Blowfish, Im your friend! Duh!

Delilah: I knew that. Heres my list of only friends:

Ronnie- best friend

Donna- best friend

Tenisha

Michael

Gregory

Courtney

Jacques

Chase

Rashelle

Ronnie: Dorky butt lickers

Delilah: Crazy people

Ronnie: What?

Delilah: CRAZY PEOPLE. Thats you

Ronnie: No, what were you going to say before Jacques took the notebook?

Delilah: You dont want to know. But since you asked, I was going to say: You suck. You blow. On nuts. Then the nuts scream. Too cold!!! Too cold!!!

Delilah: Hey guess what yall I made 100% on my health test and I didnt even do the extra credit.

Ronnie: Wow, retard. I made 100%, too, retard.

Jacques: Ronnie loves you- he told me.

Delilah: Ew! Were only friends--- you know that, youre my best friend like him--- you made that up!!!

Ronnie, Jacques, Gregory and Donna are my best friends

Ronnie: Why me and Donna?

Delilah: Because you guys are nice and dont do mean stuff and tell secrets. You guys are cool and nice.

Ronnie: Want me to tell you the answer to Donnas question?

Delilah: I dont care, if you want to you can. Really I can just go home and check my email, then call her and tell her.

Ronnie: Ok then. No.

Delilah: Why though? She really likes you and has liked you forever. Who do you like then? You never go out with anyone. You can tell me you know I wont tell.

Ronnie: I just dont want to ask anyone out. I do know who I want to go out with though.

Jacques: You suck

Delilah: You blow

Jacques: Shut up. Youre the one who blows because youre a blowfish.

Ronnie: Ha ha ha. Delilah sucks beavers.

Delilah: I DO NOT. ONLY IN YOUR DREAMS. YOU HAVE NASTY DREAMS ANYWAY.

Ronnie: Eat beaver nuts

Tenisha: Chase likes me now. That sucks. Big time.

Delilah: So go out with him. It was probably hard for him to break up with you before. Maybe he just got mixed up.

Tenisha: When (and if) he asks me out I will go out with him, but listen- Gage is asking me now too and he is flirting with me, when he asked me out, I said no. This is crazy.

Delilah: Gages boxers are green, Chases are blue. Green is ugly, blue is hot.

Ronnie: %#@ licker

Delilah: Cranky Pants?

Gregory: Yes, Blowfish?

Delilah: Youre crazy. Totally insane. But the whole worlds gone crazy too. Anyway, I will cuss you out after school. Be prepared.

Gregory: Why wait, dear Blowfish? Why not now?

Delilah: Because if I write it and then someone gets a hold of this notebook I dont want to get in trouble. Which I will if that happens.

Gregory: Oh, shut the &%$# up, dear Blowfish. Go blow on yourself.

Delilah: Yeah, whatever. While you suck yourself. Besides, I have nothing to blow.

Gregory: Whatever! The keyword in that sentence dont make sense.

Delilah: What, yourself? It sure does make sense. I blow you suck. In the corner of my Science book on page C21, someone put %&$# you then wrote over it, but you can still see it its still there.

Gregory: What do I suck? What do you blow?

Delilah: You dont want to know. Please believe me.

Gregory: TELL ME

Delilah: A %#$&.

Gregory: No. Thats just what you blow, I dont suck nothing.

Delilah: ------ [deleted] --------

Gregory: Nasty. I like you, Delilah.

Delilah: Thats nice.

Gregory: I know.

Delilah: Okay. Whatever. You crazy.

Gregory: I know.

Delilah: We all know.

Gregory: I know.

Delilah: Why do you like me?

Gregory: That I dont know.

Delilah: Me either. But is it because Im &%$#ed up like you?

Gregory: Well, its because you smart and funny and a little &%$#ed up too.

Delilah: We all are, really.

Gregory: I know.

Delilah: Dude, you are whacked up.

Gregory: I know.

__________________________________________________

Jacques: Good morning, Blowfish.

Delilah: Good morning, Dumb %##

Jacques: Tomorrow is going to suck because I have to get surgery done.

Delilah: No, tomorrow will suck because Ill have to pass notes only to Agent X and Cranky pants here who are terrible note writers.

Jacques: Wednesday is going to suck because I cant go to school because someone might bump my arm and seriously injure it.

Delilah: Yeah, I would break it again, along with your other arm too, then you would run to a teacher crying, Delilah hurt me, Delilah hurt me

Jacques: I did not cry when I broked my arm.

Delilah: Broked is not a word.

Jacques: I just felt like writing that.

Delilah: I know, I was just trying to sound retarded.

Jacques: You succeeded.

Tenisha: Remember, blue is better than green what are they wearing today?

Delilah: Haven't had the chance to look quite yet. J

Delilah: Hi

Gregory: Hi

Delilah: Do you know what it means to be --- [deleted] ---?

Gregory: Not really.

Delilah: Oh, God save me.

Gregory: God isnt here right now.

Delilah: Ok, here goes. ------------------ [deleted] --------------------.

Gregory: Oh yeah, I remember now. J

Delilah: Well, ------------------------------ [deleted] ---------------------------

Gregory: Yeah right.

Jacques: Hey, it sounds like it really did happen. It sounds very realistic.

Gregory: It did not. J

Jacques: It happened to Blowfish!

Gregory: Ok.

Delilah: Rubber glue, back to you.

Jacques: Kiss my shoe. Woe who? You.

Delilah: I would not kiss you, or any part of you, for 100,000 dollars.

Jacques: 100,000,000?

Delilah: No.

Jacques: Good. I will keep my money.

Delilah: Like you have any.

Delilah: Gregory, you just like me as a friend, right?

Gregory: Both ways.

Delilah: Interesting. Do you know why yet?

Gregory: No.

Delilah: Interesting. Youre insane. You belong in a mental hospital.

Gregory: Yeah right. Whatever you say.

Delilah: Who are you going out with?

Gregory: No one. Why?

Delilah: I just wondered. I guess because if you asked me out Id say yes.

Gregory: Ill ask later face to face.

Delilah: Why? I like writing things, its so much easier than saying it.

Gregory: Ok, picky. Will you be my girlfriend?

Delilah: Yes.

Gregory: Ok.

Tenisha: Gage could be the teacher. His mouth is big enough.

Delilah: Tee hee. I completely agree.

Tenisha: Nevermind about Gage being the teacher, hes too dumb. Hes having Brian help him on everything in spelling, hes been at his desk for, like, 2 hours.

Delilah: Tee hee. I completely agree.

Tenisha: Do I have a dent in my head yet?

Delilah: No.

Tenisha: That sucks. And I dont blow.

Delilah: Laura just poked Laramey in the balls.

Tenisha: Go Laura, its your birthday! Were going to party like its your birthday!

Delilah: Now hes holding himself and whimpering.

After recess

Jacques: Your team sucks because you won. Next recess we kick butt.

Delilah: Thats nice to know.

Jacques: Shut up Blowfish. Youre so weird sometimes.

Delilah: Mr. Cranky Pants?

Gregory: Yes?

Delilah: My birthday party is being moved to the 30th, is that still ok?

Gregory: Yeah. 17 more days. J

Delilah: I didnt count.

Gregory: Oh, well I did.

Jacques: Whee! I love throwing paper wads. J

Delilah: Whee ha!!! Me too. J That was fun before we got in trouble. Cranky Pants is having a laughing attack.

Jacques: Yeah dude, Blowfish is kissing a boy all over the place.

Gregory: Cool! Who was it???

Jacques: Doug.

Gregory: LOL (laughing out loud)

Jacques: They were having a very nice tea party. But after a few minutes it got ugly.

Gregory: Alright! J (still LOL)

Jacques: Delilah- you and the man sitting in a tree kissing.

Delilah: And the man was?

Jacques: Gary.

Delilah: Ew!

Jacques: Gary is disgusting.

Delilah: Exactly.

Delilah: I want a soda and some ice cream real bad, but I have to wait till I get home.

Gregory: Bring me a soda! J

Delilah: Yeah right.

Gregory: Fine. Whatever! J

Delilah: Ill try if I can find one. If I can at all itll only be one, so I get half.

Gregory: Ok.

Donna: Delilahs so nice, she gave me $1

Delilah: Donnas so nice, she said I was so nice, I gave her $1, I gave me $5, $5 is better than $1, $5+$1=8.

Donna: I have a hole on the right knee of my jeans and you have a hole on the left leg of your pantyhose.

Delilah: Thats new!!! I didnt know that was there!!! L

Donna: Mine isnt new.

Delilah: Die, idiot, die!!!

Donna: No thank you.

Delilah: Yes, please, dear lady

Donna: Ok, choke me Ahhh!

Delilah: No, Ill stomp you to death, stomp stomp stomp, squeal.

Donna: Ahhh, Im going to die here she comes again---- squeal!!!

Delilah: Yuck.

Donna: Ha ha ha ha. I know.

Donna: Why did you just throw the paper???

Delilah: Because you sick.

Donna: I know, aint it just wonderful?????!!!!!

Delilah: PERVERT PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! L

Donna: Ahhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gregory: Here is one of my stories.

 

The Day I had a Twinkie

One day I was sitting on my porch. There were ants all over, they had me surrounded. I knew that there was only one way: The Twinkie. Now, The Twinkie wasnt an ordinary Twinkie. He was fast, a good fighter, and he tasted good too. Ants loved his taste. Since they thought that they could eat him, when he attacked they were not prepared. So he ate them instead. But The Twinkie did not live long before I ate him. But then I spit him out because he tasted like dead ants.

Delilah: Gregory, that is a good story Im going to laminate it and put it on my wall. Here is one of my poems.

trance

all your body froze in place
minus motion
singing in a trance
sitting still
unable to move
awkward in position
unknown your motive
destructing the world around you
dissecting it with your glance
sharp, steely figures
dancing and
lost in a trance

Jacques: You will kiss the story in the frame until it is ruined.

Delilah: Cranky Pants says to write on.

Jacques: Dumb a$$ cant write, he has to do something called work which Im quite sure you wouldnt know about.

Delilah: Donkey dont feel like writing. Do you?

Gregory: Yes, I guess.

Delilah: Why do you have my scissors???

Gregory: Because I found them on the floor. Here they are. J

Delilah: Did you know I liked you real bad last year??? When you two timed me and Jamie, though, I gave up on you. But all summer I emailed you, like 40 times no kidding. I mean, once or twice a day. I knew youd never read them but I wrote anyway.

Gregory: I know. I never read them, but I saw them and saved them in their own little folder. I forgot your email address.

Delilah: It is ellaweed@email.com .

Delilah: At first, I thought the emails werent even getting there, that after reading the first few you blocked my email address. Then I thought that maybe you liked them and werent going to reply because you wanted to keep getting them and thought that they were funny.

Gregory: I read some but never had time to write because I was working. I had to help cut down trees and then haul them somewhere to be sold. I made like $110 in 2 days.

Delilah: If you could have written, what would you have put?

Gregory: That I liked you and not to feel bad.

Delilah: Did you like me last year?

Gregory: Yes

Delilah: Then why did you always dump me and cheat on me?

Gregory: Because you were dumb when I went out with you.

Delilah: How was I dumb???

Gregory: You tried to act cool and not be yourself.

Delilah: I kind of grew up this summer.

Gregory: I noticed.

Delilah: Last year I was real retarded.

Gregory: Sure were.

Delilah: I guess last year I was keeping everything inside and then over the summer I let it all out in the emails to you and that helped me grow up.

Gregory: Well Ill read them today.

Delilah: Theyre not retarded really, though some are, they were just, like, caught in the middle of me becoming a bit unretarded. They were like everything I felt and had felt, and writing them to you now makes me feel real unwrapped, I guess. I dont have any idea where to start (or how) to explain it.

Gregory: Ok, Ill read them today, I planned on it anyway.

Delilah: While youre on, do you want to look at my website?

Gregory: Sure. I love you Delilah.

Delilah: The address is: www.poetrypoem.com/smile1. By the way, do you want my last Skittle?

Gregory: No, you eat it its yours.

Delilah: Yum, it was green (that did not sound right!). I still have half my fruit stand in my locker (even though you stole half of it) because I spent a whole $5, as you know.

Gregory: Keep it for yourself. J

________________________________________________________

Gregory: You just got cursed by my ugly face. Last for 2 years.

Delilah: Ah. I will be cursed for nearly forever. What exactly is the curse??

Gregory: Going out with me. But it may last longer.

Delilah: Good.

Delilah: At my birthday, my mom wont get there till like 10 minutes after us kids do. Will your mom mind us being there alone for that time?

Gregory: No, she wont care, Im home alone for 2 hours every day anyway.

Delilah: Did you read those emails yet?

Gregory: No, I was not allowed on the Internet.

Ronnie: Delilah, did you read what I sent you?

Delilah: Yes I did, it was funny. J

Ronnie: Good.

Delilah: Ronnie, are you Agent X or Tiger??? I like Agent X better.

Ronnie: Why?

Delilah: It sounds cooler.

Ronnie: Why?

Delilah: Because I said.

Ronnie: Tiger, retard.

Gregory: Delilah, I like you but youre nasty.

Delilah: What do you mean?

Gregory: I mean you are dirty-minded.

Delilah: Well, you said you liked the real me, and thats part of the real me, so either like it or dont.

Gregory: I dont.

Delilah: Im not so bad as I used to be. Ill try to, um, lighten up a bit.

Delilah: Tenisha, my birthday party is the day before Halloween.

Tenisha: Cool.

Delilah: Tenisha, did you throw paper wads yesterday? I did, if you did too we get trash duty lunch recess tomorrow--- together.

Tenisha: Yes, I threw paper wads L (J )

Ronnie: Whats green and smells like a pig?

Delilah: You.

Ronnie: No. Kermits finger. Why did Raggedy Ann get kicked out of the dollhouse?

Delilah: You killed her.

Ronnie: No. She set on Pinocchios face and told him to lie. How did Pinocchios butt catch fire?

Delilah: He farted.

Ronnie: No. Wood on wood.

Delilah: I dont get that one.

Delilah: Gregory, Ill bring you a Coke tomorrow, I forgot today.

Gregory: Okay thanks. I love you, Delilah.

Delilah: Do you need help on Science?

Gregory: Yes please.

Delilah: True, false, true, false, true, false, true, true, true.

Gregory: Thanks.

Delilah: I still have that picture you drew me yesterday. Im going to scan it on my computer, copy it at least 100,000 times, and hand it out throughout the country on posters that say, Never go to Mc Donalds.

Gregory: ...to order a Big Mac with a Coke.

Delilah: Dont talk about Coke, youre making me want one now more than ever, and I have to wait till I get home.

Gregory: Bring me one.

Delilah: Half. I get half. We can share at lunch.

Gregory: Are we going to drink out of the same can?

Delilah: I guess, I dont have any paper cups at home, it would get squished on the bus anyway.

Gregory: Fine with me. J

Delilah: Do you need help on your 20 word summary?

Gregory: YES. L

Delilah: Put: Ariane was on vacation when her plane crashed. They swam to shore and some were rescued, but some were lost.

Gregory: Thanks.

Delilah: Lets go jump in a tornado.

Gregory: But its in the Science book! J

Delilah: Yeah, youre right, it would hurt real bad to jump in that one.

___________________________________________________

Name Changes

Tiger, Ronnie Lane, reporting for duty

Blowfish, Delilah Bohn, reporting for duty

Sponge Queen, Tenisha Baney, reporting for duty

Donkey, Jacques Johnson, reporting for duty

Elf Fearon, Gregory Smith, reporting for duty

Diaper, Donna Caperton, reporting for duty

_____________________________________________________

Delilah: I forgot the Coke again, I dont have any left. I will bring one as soon as we get more. J (smile be happy)

Gregory: Ok.

Delilah: Tenisha, can you come to my birthday party? Do you need another invitation?

Tenisha: I probably will come, but I will need another invitation. I didnt lose it, my sister tore it up. Do you think the 29th I can ride the bus to your house?

Delilah: Yes, please ride the bus, Gregory is but I dont think anyone else is J , but it is the 30th, not the 29th.

Tenisha: Ill try to get to ride the bus. Im sorry, I was thinking of my nephews birthday (it wont get in the way of your party). Invite Caleb please.

Delilah: My birthday is the 29th but my party is the 30th.

Tenisha: Well, ok, I think I knew that but invite Caleb please, I am going out with him.

Delilah: You are the one who told me never to go out with him because he was SICK and he IS and no YOU are going out with him HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, YOU SICKO!!!!!!!!!!!

Tenisha: Well, your birthday was coming up so I wanted a boyfriend that could come too, and I didnt want to go out with Josh again, and Caleb asked me out, and its better than going out with Alex or Gage or Ronnie, and Chase wont go out with me.

Delilah: Thats a shame

Delilah: Ronnie is cool and very nice, hes one of my best friends--- I do NOT like him that way

Tenisha: But youre going out with Gregory, me and him are almost not even friends

Delilah: I didnt get that last part

Tenisha: Me and Gregory used to be friends, but Im mad at him right now, thats why were kind of not friends now.

Delilah: I see, said the blind man

But how is Caleb better than Ronnie???

Tenisha: Ronnie really is not funny most of the time and he hits me (hard) and Caleb dont.

Delilah: Countless, vast, this; some, rich, productive; other, restless, eager; slow-footed, persistent; these, many, long, difficult; numerous; plentiful; travel-weary; each, every, additional; hard-earned, those, few.

Gregory: Thanks for the answers. J

Tenisha: Yes, thank you Delilah J J J happy faces 4 ever

Delilah: I chatted with this dude on the Internet. He asked me if I had a boyfriend, and Im like, duh. Heres what our conversation was like.

Me: Yes I have a boyfriend.

Him: Crap.

Me: What?

Him: What kind of world am I living in?

Me: ?

Him: All the 6th graders have boyfriends.

Me: I didnt yesterday.

Him: Crap.

Gregory: Ill show him crap.

Delilah: He asked me how tall I was, I told him 51, which is true, and he asked how tall you were and I told him that you were 46, which is true as you know, and he put ha ha ha, youre going out with a shorty.

Gregory: Hes a %#$ &$#.

Delilah: Well, if youre %#$, youre a &$#, so there really isnt a real reason to put both.

Gregory: Well, that wouldnt be me.

Delilah: I know.

Gregory: I know, too, because if I were %#$, I would not be your boyfriend.

Delilah: Thats why I said I know.

Gregory: Thats right.

Delilah: I need to tell you something.

Gregory: What?

Delilah: Please dont get mad at me.

Gregory: You broke up with me?

Delilah: No.

Gregory: What?

Delilah: Some people get mad when I tell them, thats part of the reason I dont have a lot of friends. Dont tell no one either, please.

Gregory: Okay. But if all your so called friends are faking and telling everything, dont tell them that were going out so then they wont tell, if thats what youre worried about.

Delilah: Ok. And why did you think that I was breaking up with you??? This is the first time Ive really been happy in over a year.

Gregory: Because you said dont get mad.

Delilah: Tenisha-- here is my list of birthday party plans.

Tenisha: Ok!!!!!! Whee!!!!!!

Delilahs Birthday Party

dinner

spin the bottle

flashlight tag

have fun outside

a) mostly in my woods

hang out I my room

watch a movie J

Delilah: SICK. Doug doesnt wear underwear (or boxers). In library, there was a HUGE hole in his pants and you could see a big chunk of butt. When he stood and half his butt crack was just hanging there.

Gregory: Hee hee. Much I am cursing you with the Curse of Death. Dont die without me--- means we will die together.

Delilah: Cool. Man, I am so bored.

Gregory: Tell me about it.

Delilah: What, are you bored too?

Gregory: No, but you are

Delilah: I know I am.

Gregory: Well I got to do my Science homework now. Much !

Later

Gregory: What do you want for your birthday?

Delilah: Some candy or a ring or a flower

Gregory: 12 roses, a ring, and some candy-- wait a minute, what kind?

Delilah: Butterfinger.

Gregory: Alright.

Delilah: With the Human Dragon Hunter story you want me to write for you, is it a human who hunts dragons or a half dragon, half human who hunts anything, or a dragon who hunts people???

Gregory: A man whos the best dragon killer.

Delilah: Whats his name?

Gregory: Any name.

Delilah: Gregory. Hee hee. J ( too)

___________________________________________________

Delilah: Good morning Donkey.

Jacques: Good morning, Blowfish, Im glad Im back at school.

Delilah: We all are. Agent X is a terrible note writer I tried to write to him as little as was possible. And Cranky Pants isnt so swell either. And we miss playing basketball with you too.

Jacques: Well, you should not miss me anymore, but I cant run, play basketball, or any of the other things I normally do most of the time because my arm.

Delilah: Well, it looks like were not going to be playing basketball at last recess, now, are we?

Jacques: Well I have to stay in anyway to get my math done because it confused me yesterday so I could not get it done.

Delilah: Loser

Jacques: Im not a loser. Youre a loser.

Delilah: NO. YOU THE LOSER. I EMAILED YOU THE OTHER DAY.

Jacques: Sorry I did not get to the library on time. When I got home I had to do my homework and by the time I was done it was 6:00 and that is when the library closes.

Delilah: Oh well. On the next page is an invitation to my birthday party which has been moved to November 1. Rip it out and take it home.

Jacques: Ok, thank you. Ill ask my mom.

Delilah: Elf Fearon, do you need help??

Gregory: Yes.

Delilah: A; the; that; an; an; a; this; a; those; a, an; this, the, the; the, a; that, the; the, the; the; this, that; those, these.

Gregory: Thanks. Nearly all mine were right anyhow.

Delilah: My dog has a boyfriend. Hes a Rottweiler and he, like, moved in and he is real friendly. I named him Rockford. Hes cool. At my party youll get to meet him.

Gregory: Sounds cool.

Delilah: I didnt get to resend those emails yet, my internet messed up so I couldnt get on. Ill send them as soon as I can.

Gregory: Thats fine.

Delilah: I forgot that Coke again.

Gregory: Thats ok.

Delilah: Well Im going to get to it... Eventually.

Gregory: Ok. Youre nice, Im going to stay with you as long as possible.

Delilah: I might be moving the summer after next, the summer before 8th grade.

Gregory: I might be moving before Christmas.

Delilah: Why?

Gregory: Because I have more family in Mississippi.

Delilah: I might be moving because my mom is going to college to be a nurse and she wants to go somewhere with bigger cities and different laws about nursing. Were considering Ohio or St. Louis or something.

Gregory: Ive been to Ohio. My grandma and some of my uncles and aunts live there.

Delilah: Yes, Ive been to Ohio too, on vacation.

Ronnie: This is all I can draw

Delilah: Yum snot

Ronnie: Snot is his favorite food

Delilah: Of course. All I can draw is crap.

Gregory: That could easily become a snail.

_____________________________________________________

Delilah: Jingle bells

[name deleted for privacy... Though she doesnt deserve any... Blah...] smells

Like cotton balls and hay

Oh what will happen

When we find out she is gay?

Gregory: I dont really know

She is a &%$

And a *&%$#

And today

She turned out to be $%#.

Delilah: Its funny because all of a sudden shes like, I hate you Delilah because you think that Im jealous of you and Im like so not. That was like the dumbest thing to do because now it is like so obvious that she is jealous.

Gregory: She is I know because she was messing with me and talking about you.

Delilah: Now she is trying to be nice to me and Im just ignoring her.

Gregory: Good idea

Delilah: She said some sick stuff about me.

Gregory: I know.

Jacques: Good afternoon, Blowfish.

Delilah: Hi.

Delilah: Hi Gregory.

Gregory: I dont really want to talk right now.

Jacques: Is it so you can watch the movie, Cranky Pants?

Gregory: Yes, and its Elf Fearon

Jacques: No, I like Cranky Pants.

Delilah: What were you trying to tell me before when [name deleted] was listening?

Gregory: Nothing now, I changed my mind.

Delilah: I farted. Youre &%*.

Jacques: Gregory, why dont we call you something to do with turtles?

Gregory: Turtle man. This or nothing.

Jacques: How about Turtle %&$%#@ or &%$#*#@ Turtle?

Gregory: NO. Im out because that is nasty.

Jacques: Im out because I hate talking and my name is Mr. Gregory.

Delilah: This movie is so boring Im going to fall asleep.

Jacques: I am Donkey, black and gray.

Delilah: Black and %#$??? What the freak??? Ha ha ha J

Jacques: No I am not %#$, thats Ronnie youre thinking of.

Delilah: Oh yeah, I forgot.

Jacques: Oh yeah, the donkey is in the house instead of the barn!!!!! Were jamming, man!!!

Delilah: Yeah!!!!! Let's lift the roof off this place!!!!

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