Chapter Nine


Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Photos and Tourism Info
Celebrities and Government Characters

Chapter Nine

Ellievilles Old West

Bad guys, horse stealers, and cowboys etc. gone bad ruled for a few years. Johnny Johnstone, Blacky Toronto and Joey and Johnny West were some of the toughest, havoc-loving dudes out there. They somehow managed to evade authorities all over the country. These men-- and many others besides-- practically ruled the country during the late 1700s.

However, some of the amateur criminals imitating the real ones were caught. Take for example this firsthand account of a capture, an excerpt from Wastlee Armors nonfiction poem diary, Evil Bygone.

From Evil Bygone, by Wastlee Armor:

Two bank robbers is what I wanted to find;

I went in the wood

There was a thorn bush-, oer there-

I heard voices-

Of a strange kind.

I tiptoed closer

In case it was of importance-

To hear.

Old Mickey Harriss comin to town,

Hell be in Dorftown,

And we gots to go,

Cause hell be finding out about us,

Livin as we are,

And well both be butchered.

The other man answered-, in reply:

You is meanin that well a be

Prosecuted like wes pigs or summat?

The other man agreed.

They were both silent a moment, together, faged.

Why is that? asked the second man-

Unconvinced-, and somewhat puzzled.

Because, the first man answered,

Thats the way things is a bein done these a days.

The other man was still somewhat puzzled, however--

But whys does merely a robbin the Perfitle State Bank

Get us a sliced up like pigs?

The other man

Pulled a gruesome face as he said,

Shut UP. Theys just a doin things a like a that todays.

I slowly-, quietly-

Tiptoed away.

I just had to report them!

Dan! Dan!

I called my policeman friend,

Panic in my voice.

I really need you here! I yelped-, sore afraid

Of the men behind the bush.

Youre the only one I can rely on!

Whats going on? he asked, exiting his building.

I found them bank robbers, I reported.

We tiptoed carefully

To the exact location.

That thorn bush oer there,

I said-, a pointing.

We approached the thorn bush-,

Exerting the utmost caution.

And Dan said,

Come out with your hands up,

And the men obediently revealed themselves

And I realized, with joy-, my first superhero plan had Succeeded! as I would move on to do more

Good deeds.

The men went to jail.

And we were a so happy....

Now, back on the subject of what we can call bad guys, referring to bank robbers, horse stealers, etc., there is still more to tell.

Johnny Johnstone was caught at the age of 59. He was sentenced to a public hanging, which was the worst punishment the people of those times could think of for his many terrible crimes, which by that age included: robbery, murder, vandalism, rape, destruction, espionage and betrayal of his country, handling, trading, distribution, and shipping of illegal drugs and explosives. Quite a list. But there were many more besides...

Blacky Toronto was caught many times but always escaped. He died of natural causes at the age of 76.

Joey and Ronny West were caught in 1789, when they triggered an alarm at a grocery store. So sad.

Information to note: The Kings castle was at the front of the country, less than 23 miles from the border. There was an immigrant checkpoint near his castle, as well as his 6-acre Royal Gardens. Eventually, the King declared this property a city, and at least 75 people moved there after the decree was issued. The author Wesley Besifne moved there also.

It may be interesting to you, though not in the least to me but I'll mention it anyway, but Blacky Toronto was an extremely talented humor writer. Here is a letter he wrote to his grandmother before he became such an illegal outcast,

April 13

Dear Grandmother,

Hi! This is Blacky and I just thought that as an excuse to be on the computer that I could write to you. Not to be insulting or anything, my guess is that youre a really nice person (only a guess, however) and I would not for any reason want to be spiteful to you. Anyways, you know how you and mom used to write to you a lot? I dont know if she still does or not, and if not why, or, really, if so why, but thats not my point. Well, she told me that you were fun to write to so I thought that I would see if she was right, which she usually is, so its not like I doubt her or anything. Im more likely to doubt myself than her, really, but anyway

So whats up with you guys? I imagine that since the skys whats up here that itll probably (but not for sure) be up at you guys place too, but one can never be for certain unless that one who was wondering in the first place contacts the one that they were wondering about, which would be kind of hard in this case, because Ive tried talking to the sky before and its not like it answers in any audible language.

My cat is pregnant. I didnt really want it to be pregnant because then itll have to have babies, which is not a good thing, because itll be having babies. So as I was saying, if it has babies, theyre all going to die, and I dont know why that cat is still alive anyhow; its 6 years old. And its not even in menopause yet. Her kittens bug me cause theyve all got about 3 dads, and all of the dads try to take the babies for themselves, like, Thats my kid, look at its markings," and then another dad will go, No, its my kid, Im a boy and it is too. and then the mom gets mad and then its a cat fight all over and she says, No, theyre my kittens, Im the one who had them. If you want some kittens of your own, go find Tom and help yourself, then the kittens walk off and have themselves eaten by a cannibal somewhere. But seriously. It gets irritating after awhile. It keeps our quota of cannibals in the vicinity at a high level. And whats really super annoying about this is: how come its only the cats who get pregnant? Shes leaving people out, here. Share the glory. Once in awhile, anyways.

Mom and Gus are away on a trip to Fayetteville, Arkansas. Theyre there with my Aunt Kendise, going to some gathering for freaky people. I am, actually, in away, glad that I didnt go cause it sounds really weird, and Mom doesnt usually let me on the computer because she says that I take to long. Dad doesnt really care how long that I am on, he doesnt really care if I am on come to think of it because, really, he doesnt care about anything, not that anyone does, I know that I dont at least, isnt that what being related is all about? But then I dont see how all that I inherited from my mom is physical characteristics, like that I am skinny and that I have glasses etc. everything else, I am afraid that I either inherited from my dad, including my dull (dull?) sense of humor, call it that if you could, probably not though, and my really weird attitude. Like, see, if someone called me a (Look here! Lets play fill in the blank! Yay!), so, like I was saying, if someone called me a _____________, they would, within .2 seconds, find themselves missing either a.) Nose, b.) All of their hair, or c.) Find their head split open and me feeding their spleen to my cat. Feeding it to my pregnant cat, that is.

Nikki and Cairoline both act outrageous 24/7, or rather 5,265/3. Seriously, they fight over little things, like who gets which chickens pituitary gland. That is such a little thing; it is, like, so not worth fighting about. While I am talking about the kids, here are some pictures of Nikki and Caroline. Nikki looks so innocent, like, Ooooh! Sissy, dont look at me that way. I didnt do anything! and Cairoline is like, Im a pure sweetie. You cant see her hands in that picture! Oops, that dirty finger crosser! Theres a digital picture of Wes that I wanted to send too, but it wouldnt fit on this page and I didnt want it on a page by itself. Maybe if I find one, Ill send a regular picture of Dory, but it is terribly hard to find regular pictures nowadays. People are too technology-oriented.

Well, I guess that Ill see you later, grandmother.


Blacky Toronto